By Peter Sawka

July 15th, 2015

 

Where do I begin...

 

The journey that unfolded with the decision to make RIGHTEOUS SIN can very easily be written into a full-length novel, or perhaps more fittingly, a feature-length documentary. The story is indeed long and painful, so much so that it could be taught in film-school.

 

When you're making an independent film with your own blood and guts everything somehow becomes connected to it. Everything. This of course can make the process a genuinely cathartic experience... or it can be so disheartening and psychologically devastating that recovering from it may seem all too difficult. So let's just say that this project has allowed me to not only grow as an artist, but as a person as well.

 

In October of last year my good friend who runs a local film festival here in Toronto offered to screen our new cut of DIVINE ENMITY to one of his monthly audiences. After nearly two years of painstaking changes, some of which happened slower than the speed of molasses running down a kitchen counter slanted at a single degree, I was utterly excited, but more so, confident that the audience would enjoy the new 72 minute version. I mean the film was tighter, more stylish, more punchy, more everything. It was a lock.

 

So I sat quietly in the dark theatre and watched our film for the God-knows-how-manyeth time, daring not to look anyone in the eye. As confident as I felt I was equally as nervous. Ultimately I was eagerly anticipating the post-screening discussion scheduled to take place. This process has the audience offer feedback while they are recorded. Afterwards the recording is edited as a promotional package for the filmmakers. I was hoping that this would be a positive springboard - perhaps more psychologically than anything else.

 

When the film ended the host of the evening stood up in front of the crowd and T'd up our film with a positive opening statement. The first comment which came from the audience was kind and thoughtful and it built up my confidence immediately. But the next comment was not as complimentary so I took it as constructive criticism, brushing it off, and awaited the next round of praise. But it never came...

 

What happened after that was nothing short of a complete dismantling of DIVINE ENMITY. Every comment that ensued would fuel the following one and before I knew it I had listened to 10 minutes of people telling me (indirectly) that our film just wasn't that good. It hurt. It hurt more than I thought it could. For more than three and a half years we worked on this piece, sensing that we were accomplishing something special. Even after our first screening two years earlier and the round of constructive criticism that followed, I was certain that we'd be able to make the project better. In the end it seemed that all we were able to do was spin our wheels.

 

After the screening my producers and I headed to a local watering hole where we had a frank discussion. Nick suggested that the only option remaining, if there actually was anything to salvage from this emotionally draining project, was to turn it into a snappy short film in the vain of our first successful short, NOTHING PERSONAL. The idea of cutting DIVINE ENMITY, first from 90 mintues down to 72, then finally down to a 20 minute short, did nothing less than make me feel like I just burnt through 3 years of my savings to learn nothing more than a harsh lesson. I gazed into my beer and watched the bubbles rise to the surface for a long time...

 

This was the moment where I had to decide the fate of the project. There was no sense of walking away from it for another six months to clear my head just to come back to it. Time was a factor. It was either get this shit done now or move on. Well, I'll tell you, the idea of dropping something that I've been working on for this long, something that I've spent a small fortune on, only to let it rot on my harddrive, this thought was so excruciating that it took merely 5 drinks and less than 12 hours to declare that this film would be re-cut into a short. Dammit!

 

But once I wrapped my head around the idea of not simply "trimming the fat," but giving DIVINE ENMITY liposuction, something wonderful happened. I divorced myself from my original vision, the one which seemingly didn't work twice, and I allowed my creative mind to run free. To play. I allowed the process to become organic. Furthermore, we made sure to get every single person that was willing to watch our latest cut to provide constructive criticism until it became what it became. It was a collective effort. I embraced the idea that it was more important for a film to be enjoyed by the audience than simply by myself. This doesn't mean that I ended up cutting something that I didn't like, nor does it mean that everyone loved it. What It means is that I finally understood what it meant to be a filmmaker. The process of completing a project cannot be finalized before it begins. This is impossible, and I'm glad that I finally figured this out.

 

Anyway, regardless of what happens with the rebranded RIGHTEOUS SIN on the festival circuit, I am finally ready to move on to the next project.

 

There ain't no better film school out there than actually making an independent film. And if you're willing to stick with it... man... what a ride.